


Mess

by Gerardwayismymom



Category: Fall Out Boy, Frerad - Fandom, Mindless Self Indulgence, My Chemical Romance, Petekey - Fandom, The Used, emo - Fandom
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 01:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9470282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gerardwayismymom/pseuds/Gerardwayismymom
Summary: not edited+I hope this one doesn't suck





	

**Author's Note:**

> not edited+I hope this one doesn't suck

He looked down to his feet and the way they smashed the yellow autumn leaves. The whole park looked like a scene from a romantic movie or something he didn’t give a damn about at the moment because he had way too many problems to care about than the leaves. He took a drag of his cigarette and kicked the leaves. Stupid leaves.  
His life was sure as hell a mess, a big spider wed that had trapped him in like a helpless fly or something and no matter how hard he tried, he was getting involved more and more. And fuck, he was used to all of this once because things were messed up from the start and he somehow had managed to cope with it all and pretend that he was happy just like everyone else but now was different. Now that he had experienced how true happiness tasted there was no way for him to fake it. And now his happiness was gone.  
Sometimes he wished he never let things get out of his control and even he sometimes wished that he was still a kid. He didn’t have a good childhood though but at least his biggest worries were about other kids fighting with him and hitting him, not being in love with his one and only brother’s boyfriend.  
And he admitted it to himself finally, no matter how scared he got even from his own thoughts sometimes. He finally admitted it to himself how much the short tattooed piece of shit meant to him. and there he goes, he thought, swallowing his tears. He always considered himself cold and heartless until he met him. and then he came to the realization that how much of a fucked up emotional person he really is. And seriously, how fucked up someone could be to out of billions of people, fall in love with his best friend that was also his brother’s boyfriend? Very fucked up.  
He would usually just go to the only shitty gay bar in the fucking town and drink until nothing mattered anymore but this time was different. This time he needed an actual human being to talk to, not the shitty beer and drinks that were only temporarily keeping his mind off of the world. And fuck again because he didn’t actually have that much of friends because unlike his lucky brother he was a socially awkward potato and the small amount of friends that he had were his friends since high school.  
and it had been YEARS since they all graduated and stuff.  
He lit the fifth cigarette of the day, taking a drag. Damn he wished he could turn back time and never meet him but it was all a useless wish and he could NEVER actually do such thing.  
He wished he could read his mind. He wished he could see the truth behind those hazel eyes but who he was fooling? there was only one truth and that was their relationship and Gerard Way was nothing but one of his many friends.  
He looked up, finding himself in front of the all familiar house that belonged to nobody else but Bert McCracken, the careless, heartless asshole of a friend who was more like a pain in the ass than a friend to Gerard but he was really hopeless this time. So hopeless that he could even go to Bert to empty himself of all the hot air and words that had been formed inside of him and was getting bigger and bigger day by day.  
he rang the door bell, knowing Bert wouldn’t even care about the single word he’s gonna say but at least he would feel empty for a few days after that.  
soon the door opened after he heard few curse words from the inside, revealing Bert with his greasy, messy hair and a smirk that was never fading away from his lips. Not even when he was really pissed. “what are you doing here at ass’ o clock in the morning, Jerad?”  
Gerard bit his lip, looking for a sentence that would make sense to Bert because he was sure “I came here to talk” wasn’t going to work at all. Not with Bert. But he thought, and he thought hard, failing to find a better sentence but before he even say that his mouth ran automatically.  
“hi to you too, asshole”  
Because come on, this was Gerard Way, the ultimate Sass queen… or king and no matter how fucked up he felt he was still too sassy for anybody.  
“It’s new y’know, like did you dream of a cock up your ass last night or something? because you never show up at my door this early” Bert smirked, leaning on the doorframe with a look on his face that screamed how much of an asshole he really was.  
But he was right. Gerard never came to him unless he REALLY needed someone to fuck him until nothing mattered anymore but again that showed how much of a needy idiot Gerard really was because there always had to be something or someone to take him to the phase where nothing really mattered and he could never do that all alone by himself.  
“I- I just felt like hangin out with you today” he sighed, “and by the way it’s eleven o clock am for your information so why don’t invite me in you dick?”  
He looked at Bert for few seconds, expecting him to burst into laughter or something because they were never actually hanging out like two friends. But he was wrong because to his surprise, Bert let him in without saying anything. Maybe that was because he thought Gerard was there to actually fuck, who knew  
or maybe he felt like hanging out with Gerard too…  
“so what are you drinkin’?” he asked, running a hand between his hair. “vodka or-“  
“coffee” he answered quickly  
He looked up to Gerard. “please” he added with a small smile. Bert nodded awkwardly, turning towards the kitchen.  
“and people don’t drink vodka at ass’o clock” he called after Bert

“but it’s eleven am and I’m Bert mother fucking McCracken so”  
-

Sundays were FUCKING boring for Frank because his boyfriend was sleeping till afternoon and him being a morning person had to watch the shitty shows on the tv until he woke up. That day was no different, he was on the couch watching tv until he heard the bedroom door being slammed shut and a “fuck” from upstairs.  
“Frank?”  
He sat up, throwing the remote on the sofa. “yeah?”  
“morning baby” he smiled, seeing Mikey coming downstairs. He looked pissed and pale and Frank could already guess he had a headache. “my head’s splitting” he complained and frowned, walking towards the kitchen.  
He was drunk the night before. Frank could remember. It actually was more like a routine now, Mikey going out with his friends until midnight two or three times a week but that wasn’t the matter, what bugged Frank the most was the fact that he knew something was wrong with his boyfriend but he couldn’t actually figure out.  
and he didn’t even want to try because every time he wanted to it would end up as an argument and he didn’t want that.  
he didn’t want Mikey to get all moody and grumpy. He was just standing there, thinking of a way to maybe get to talk to his boyfriend and know what was wrong with him when he appeared from the kitchen with a glass of water, heading back upstairs and leaving frank in the living room.  
“m sleepin’”  
-

“so you’re telling me you’re not here to fuck?” Bert sat down on the opposite end of the couch, looking at Gerard up and down. And Gerard was at loss of words again but this time he didn’t pull some smart reply out of his ass and answered with all honesty  
“i actually needed someone to talk to” He sighed , tucking his hair behind his ear. He knew he looked like an idiot to Bert and he knew that he was a friendless piece of shit but this time he really wanted to talk so he went for it. Bert wasn’t surprised, maybe because he was too stoned to actually realize what Gerard had said but he finally asked another question.  
“talk about what?” he asked, he wasn’t good at “talking” with people but he could give it a try for “Jerad”  
“uh, about-“ Gerard looked down, gathering his thoughts to say something meaningful to Bert. “about a dude, you know, I- oh God” he sighed. Okay that was a stupid idea to come to Bert and try to talk to him and actually expect him to be useful.  
“nevermind it’s embarrassing” he shook his head. “nevermind” he repeated, “I think I need a drink” he hopelessly scratched his head, maybe he should just drink and forget about him. But he knew too well that this all was going to be temporarily distracting and that again, he will wake up the next morning with his head aching like a motherfucker and his heart still missing a piece.  
“talk to me Jerad” Bert insisted. He wasn’t the type to get amused by people ranting about their lives but this was “Jerad Way” and he was amusing, at least for Bert.  
“It’s Gerard though, Not Jared or something but whatever” he looked down, “Bert I- I like a guy”  
He buried his face in his hands,  
“of course, you are gay, what else do you expect from yourself?”  
“that’s not the point, Bert” he shook his head, head still in his pale hands. “he doesn’t like me back plus he’s- uh fuck” he squeaked in embarrassment, not able to say the last part without looking like an utter asshole who’s after his brother’s boyfriend.  
“it’s normal for everybody fall for someone who doesn’t like them back, at least once in their whole life, I know how you feel Jerad” he sighed.  
“it’s not a good feeling”  
Really? Bert knew how he felt? He expected the heartless asshole to actually make fun of him.  
“by the way I think the guy is an idiot motherfucker for not liking you back and stuff, fuck him”  
-

“high school”  
He took a drag of his cigarette, looking at the man in front of him. should he say it? He couldn’t decide.  
“sometimes I think about it and then I-” he exhaled, heart full of nothing but jealousy and hate about the guy that didn’t even know him. he felt like an idiot about hating him but he wasn’t in denial of that.  
he WAS an idiot for Brendon. And he could do anything to be with him.  
Anything.  
“and then I think about Ryan Ross”  
He took another drag of his cigarette and looked at Brendon. He wanted to make sure he was the one he wanted now, he wanted to make sure there wasn’t any “Brendon and Ryan” anymore.  
“what about Ryan?” Brendon asked. “it had been years and I can’t fucking believe you still bring this up, Dallon!” he ran a hand between his hair, taking a deep breath.  
He was laying in the Bed, staring at the ceiling, face blank and empty of any expression. He loved Brendon, he fucking loved him and now he was yelling at him. “you still love him” he whispered, smiling like a psychopath. “you still love Ryan Ross”  
And Brendon Rolled his eyes, grabbing his leather jacket and walking out of their shared bedroom angrily. And Dallon heard the front door being slammed shut.  
“you love him” he whispered, his smile still on his lips. “you love Ryan Ross” he whispered, eyes locked on the ceiling as small tear drops slid down. “you have never loved me”  
-

Gerard was staring at the ceiling, taking a drag of his cigarette. he didn’t know what he needed the most at the moment. A shower to wash his cum stained body, clothes or a drink to fuck his day more fucked up than the way it already was.  
He looked at Bert next to himself who was passed out like a dead body.  
he wasn’t even on the list of the things he needed at the moment so he got up, picking his clothes from the floor.  
“you’re a twat”  
Yup. He expected it.  
“leaving the guy who likes you to go after the one who doesn’t even care about you”  
He ran a hand between his messy hair after wearing his shirt  
“sometimes you need to be a twat to get what you want”  
And he left, going to the same park he was at yesterday, his head hurting like a motherfucker and his heart still missing a piece.  
-

“Mikey”  
Frank cleared his throat and crossed his arms. the taller of the two wasn’t even looking at him as he was switching between the channels aimlessly.  
“Mikey”  
He repeated, frowning slightly. “yeah?” and he still wasn’t looking at him. his hazel eyes were glued to the television as his mind was busy with the forbidden thoughts of nobody but the one he shouldn’t be thinking about, specially when his boyfriend looked pissed and probably wanted an explanation for his recent shitty behaviors. He was tired, not only physically but emotionally. He was tired of doing this but he couldn’t end it. There was a connection between him and Frank that was somehow making Mikey be scared of losing him. there was this voice in the back of his mind that repeated “what if you end up lonely?” and that was what scared him the most. What if he lose everybody?  
“i think it’s time to talk like two adults and boyfriends. What is wrong with you?” Frank asked, trying hard to not cry and cursing himself for being an emotional crybaby.  
And that was enough for Mikey to stop changing the channel on the television and look down.  
“listen if you don’t love me anymore-” he took a deep breath. “if you don’t love me anymore there is no point in carrying on anymore”  
“I love you”  
And Mikey lied, even if it resulted in him hating on himself for it few minutes later. But it didn’t seem to be convincing enough for Frank anymore. He had been silencing Frank with one sentence and a kiss for years now but not anymore. And as frank expected, his boyfriend got up to probably silent him again  
“I don’t believe you”  
Mikey stopped in his tracks, his heart skipping a beat. “Frank I-”  
“and you know what? Fuck you very much because even though that I can’t-” Frank cried. Finally. All the tears he had been hiding for four years was now coming out of his eyes. “I can’t stop loving you”


End file.
